Teaching the faith

A long walk in the woods today with two friends and their toddlers led to an interesting discussion. We talked about death - where do we go from here and faith. The death part, I don't think about much. Being in my thirties, maybe I still feel a bit invincible. Although the last decade has produced many encounters with death (my grandparents, my father, a close family friend), I still don't feel close to it. I haven't thought about where I think I will go from here. I believe in heaven but find it hard to picture and describe. The faith part is a different story. Ever since the birth of my daughter, I've felt obligated to think more about what I "believe". Raised a Catholic, I fell back into the rituals and belief of Catholicism, but have over the past couple of years become disillusioned by the Catholic faith. I feel an obligation to my children and to myself to define what I believe and to be able to lead them on a path of spirituality, but I am conflicted. I feel held back sometimes by my Catholic roots and although I don't denounce the church (I still go to church on a somewhat regular basis), I feel guilty for not believing everything that the church says I should.

So on top of all the ordinary every day things that occupy my brain.....what to eat for dinner, when to clean the house, how much TV to let my kids watch, etc, etc.....I am lost on the path of faith. I wish there was a more clear path ahead of me. As my children's guide, I want to be strong in what I believe, even though ultimately I will leave them to choose their own beliefs one day. But the path is foggy and I'm not sure how to step forward to find my way. Interesting things to ponder....definitely quiet time musings.