My secret wish

Anyone who really knows me, knows I love to sleep. I love my bed, my duvet, a dark and quiet room. Since becoming a parent, opportunities to relish this "love" of mine have been few and far between. From a very early age, I can remember lying in my bed, listening to Baby Girl's breathing in the cradle next to me, desperate for a quiet room so I could sleep uninterrupted. Moving our kids to their own beds and own rooms was not a difficult decision for me. I was happy for some space - probably the only time of the day when I could claim freedom from my children's needs.

But deep down, there is a part of me that longs for my children to crawl into my bed and snuggle into me and fall asleep. I long to feel them curled up beside me - their little spoon tucked into my big one.

This wish always catches me when I go to bed at night and peek into their rooms before I go to sleep. They are so peaceful and serene. Their sleeping faces and crumpled pyjamas make me want to scoop them up and tuck them into my bed with me. Maybe it's a childhood thing. I can remember sneaking into my parents' room as a child to sleep with my mom. I miss not having that with my kids....and most of me knows that I'm not going to have it. I've tried sleeping with Baby Girl and the reality of it is nowhere close to the dream - there's kicking and tossing and early, early morning wake-ups.

So instead I'll just tuck it away as my secret wish and take pleasure in the cuddles on the couch instead.