Disillusioned

I never expected parenting to be so difficult. These past few weeks especially, I find myself wandering through my SAHM days, unmotivated and frustrated. Little things set me off and I struggle to find joy in the little moments when it seems like at every turn there is a tantrum to diffuse or displining to be done. The days are a blur. They all feel the same. Get up, breakfast, outing, lunch, quiet time, dinner, bedtime. By the time the kids are tucked into bed, my energy level is refreshed and I am ready for an evening of adult activity. Invariably I'm met with a husband who falls asleep at 8:30pm while we're watching TV and so I face the rest of the evening alone. I can't go to bed, I'm not tired. If I lie my head down, my mind only races. Either that or my frustration level soars with the sounds of snoring echoing in my ears. I know time is slipping through my fingers. My kids are young for such a short period of time, but I'm feeling worn down and tired.

I think about making a change. Maybe going back to work would be the answer. But I am quick to remind myself that most of what I do now (meals, laundry, house cleaning, etc) would still need to be done, just with less time as I would be working instead of at home. I also challenge myself to remember that the whole reason we downsized and moved to a small town was so that one of us could be at home. I don't know the answer.

I'm trying to keep positive. There is 5 days in Vegas on the horizon, just me and my husband. And a "mother's retreat" the weekend before that with just my sister and my mother. September will be busy with new activities. Baby Girl starts preschool and I am trying to motivate myself to get going on a better exercise program. There will be time to just "be" with Baby Boy. Something we haven't really had yet in his 2.5 years. In no time it will be Christmas and we'll be covered in snow, wishing for summer.