The weekend ahead

This weekend is going to be a turning point for our family. My husband is officially scheduled for a vasectomy tomorrow, and so will end the children in our family. The road to this decision has been a bumpy one. There is sadness in my heart. I still could have gone for one more, would have felt more complete. The reasons are many and most of them make sense only to me, but ultimately ever since Baby Boy was born over two years ago, I've just FELT like I had another baby inside me. This spring has been difficult on our marriage as we've had lots of discussions about how we each felt. Both of us standing firm on opposite ends of the "third baby" bridge. I think both of us were trying to wait each other out, hoping the other would come around to our way of thinking. In the end, I could see that the bridge was actually more like a canyon and it was getting deeper with each conversation. I needed to look closely at the overall decision and decide between my own need for another child and the happiness of my marriage. I realized that I had decided to spend the rest of my life with my husband, not my children who, although at the moment feel like they will never leave my side, will one day pack up and take off to live a life of their own.

So tomorrow is operation day. My weekend will be spent doing what I do every day, caring for the needs and providing entertainment for my two children, while tending to the aches and pains of my husband, who will be lying on the couch watching soccer, I'm sure. As we head into this new part of our lives together, I am trying to focus on what I am thankful for, not what I think would make me happier.

I'm thankful for my husband who is wonderful in so many ways.
I'm thankful for my two beautiful children, even when they drive me insane and that they are both healthy.
I'm thankful for our small town life, the one we chose to live so we could give more of ourselves to our children.
I'm thankful for my friends, who help me talk through my sorrows.
I'm even thankful for my dog, who, despite spending the last 48 hours pacing and panting around the house because of the wind and storms in our town, is an important part of our family - my first baby, in fact.