Navigating marital balance

A strange thing happened last night. My husband and I had an argument. His tone changed, my tears flowed. I went to bed tired and emotional. For some I'm sure this occurs often, but for us it doesn't. We get along pretty well and have a good give and take relationship when it comes to managing life and our outdoor pursuits. But last night, we just couldn't seem to find the same page. He has a full slate of things that he could and would like to do this weekend....watching hockey games with friends, going fishing, playing soccer. As a stay at home parent, I wait eagerly for the weekend to arrive to have some daytime backup in how we spend our day. Weekends where I have to manage the kids all day are not a weekend for me. I want us to do family things, even if it's just a trip to the park or a visit with friends. I know it comes back to expectations and maybe mine are just too high. I know the weekends are a down time for my husband too. He works hard all week and needs some space of his own.

And so here lies the conundrum. How to manage balance in our marriage? Keeping my head down and taking the weekends as they come seem wrong. But how to best argue my case? I don't want to be the nagging wife that says no to my husband's requests for extra-curricular activities, but at the same time I'm looking for balance and maybe just some renewed attention to us as a couple. Having little kids sure is hard for so many different reasons.

A pocket of good in an otherwise bad day

Today has been crap. It's been a cold fall day. Not one where the sun warms the air enough to enjoy being out, kicking the leaves. It has been grey and drizzly and cold. It is also my husband's birthday. So expectations have been a problem today. Not his, mine. I love birthdays and have high expectations of them being special and fun.

To celebrate the birthday, last night we had a party. An adult party. My husband wanted to watch Hockey Night in Canada. So we invited a bunch of couples over, plus my singleton brother who arrived in town for the weekend and the boys watched hockey. When it was done, we all played boys vs. girls Cranium. It was hilarious, competitive, cutthroat. And there was A LOT of beer consumed.....by my husband and brother (and a few other party goers).

This meant a slow start to his day. In fact most of his day was slow. He lounged / snoozed on the couch until 10am and spent most of the afternoon in bed snoozing. But I digress. This post wasn't meant to be a rant about all the things that have made me irritated and angry today. I was intending a post where I simply stated that today was a shitty day and I have spent most of it angry. Some of it even blood boiling angry.

And then around 4pm, for just over an hour, the clouds cleared on my day and I was able to laugh and smile. With Baby Boy finally napping, I took Baby Girl and we went to the pool for an hour. She insisted on wearing a life jacket and suddenly she could swim. Her last set of lessons had kicked in and with the life jacket on, she was racing around the pool, actually swimming. She chased me around the river and did big jumps into the deep pool. She showed me her back floats and scooped bubbles in the hot tub. It was a full hour of just mother / daughter time and I loved it. So amongst the anger and the frustration today, Baby Girl helped me find some light.

Thursday Thirteen - 13 things I love about my husband

In celebration of our 7th wedding anniversary this weekend, I thought I should focus my energy on all the things I love about my husband. It's been a crazy 7 years. He's still the love of my life!

The list is longer than 13, but here's some highlights!

1. He's got an English accent. I may not hear it as much anymore, but is sure is cute when I do catch wind of an especially "English" sounding word.

2. He rubs my feet almost every time I ask.

3. He lets me sleep in more often than not. When we used to have to get up around the same time for work he always used to let me have the second shower because he said I was a better person for the extra 10 minutes.

4. He cleans the dog run and takes out the garbage.

5. He is patient....oh so patient, in so many different ways.

6. He lets me pack up our kids on a whim to hit the road when the mood strikes me. He's happy to let us trek across the mountains when I feel the need for some big city friend time and retail therapy.

7. Better yet, while we're gone, he cleans the house!

8. The best thing is that he cooks and cooks well. My health really would suffer if he didn't do some cooking every week.

9. He recently let me buy very expensive sunglasses. I don't ask for much in the way of shopping, but when I do, he's always happy to let me spend.

10. He has a great farmer's tan. His left arm is especially tanned from driving around in his car all summer!

11. He loves my family and all their craziness.

12. He calls to ask if I want a slurpee on the way home from work....always thinking of me and my stress levels.

13. He has the greatest laugh when you really get him laughing. If you've heard it, you know the one I'm talking about.

The weekend ahead

This weekend is going to be a turning point for our family. My husband is officially scheduled for a vasectomy tomorrow, and so will end the children in our family. The road to this decision has been a bumpy one. There is sadness in my heart. I still could have gone for one more, would have felt more complete. The reasons are many and most of them make sense only to me, but ultimately ever since Baby Boy was born over two years ago, I've just FELT like I had another baby inside me. This spring has been difficult on our marriage as we've had lots of discussions about how we each felt. Both of us standing firm on opposite ends of the "third baby" bridge. I think both of us were trying to wait each other out, hoping the other would come around to our way of thinking. In the end, I could see that the bridge was actually more like a canyon and it was getting deeper with each conversation. I needed to look closely at the overall decision and decide between my own need for another child and the happiness of my marriage. I realized that I had decided to spend the rest of my life with my husband, not my children who, although at the moment feel like they will never leave my side, will one day pack up and take off to live a life of their own.

So tomorrow is operation day. My weekend will be spent doing what I do every day, caring for the needs and providing entertainment for my two children, while tending to the aches and pains of my husband, who will be lying on the couch watching soccer, I'm sure. As we head into this new part of our lives together, I am trying to focus on what I am thankful for, not what I think would make me happier.

I'm thankful for my husband who is wonderful in so many ways.
I'm thankful for my two beautiful children, even when they drive me insane and that they are both healthy.
I'm thankful for our small town life, the one we chose to live so we could give more of ourselves to our children.
I'm thankful for my friends, who help me talk through my sorrows.
I'm even thankful for my dog, who, despite spending the last 48 hours pacing and panting around the house because of the wind and storms in our town, is an important part of our family - my first baby, in fact.

Romance and marriage

Why is it that men (or maybe it's just married men) don't catch on to the immediate benefits they can achieve by watching romantic movies with their partner?

I know that as a rule men don't like romantic comedies, romantic dramas. They'd rather watch action packed thrillers or bathroom based comedies. Don't get me wrong, I like all different types of movies. But every once in a while, it sure feels great to put in a predictable, fallin' in love romantic comedy.

Last night I realized that my husband would really get a lot (wink, wink) out of sitting through a whole romantic comedy with me. The key being that he was awake at the end of the movie. Romance gets me in the mood. It reminds me of when my husband and I were "falling in love" way back when. The moonlit walks, the sandy beaches, the stolen kisses. So it sure is disappointing to go through a whole movie and not have the happy ending sitting beside you, ready to "discuss" when the credits roll.