Time away

Today is packing day. Tomorrow I pack up the kids and head west to the Big City for a few days of materialistic pleasures and some visiting with friends. Living in a small town has curbed a lot of my material appetite. Our shopping is limited to Wal-Mart and some high priced shops along the main street. I'm not lured by IKEA, Old Navy, or Children's World for regular trips to the mall. I'm also not lured by the extra fast food options of the big city - Cinnabon, Jugo Juice, Wendy's, just to name a few. A&W and KFC get old and undesirable pretty fast. A trip to the big city allows for a short burst of indulgence. I try to go prepared with a list of things I "need" so that I don't get distracted by the bright lights and variety of options that lie before me when I get to a real mall.

The shopping on this trip will likely be minimal. With both kids in tow and no husband for back-up, there won't be any solo shopping trips. My hopes of doing some Christmas shopping will be limited as a trip to Toys R Us to buy things from Santa just won't happen with a four and two year old along for the ride. I'll have to get back online and shop locally for Christmas, which isn't such a bad thing. By the time we get back on Sunday I'll be all fast-fooded out and ready to get back into the swing of home cooked meals again.

The main drive of our trip is to visit friends. I was back through the city in the spring time but was mostly passing through as I made trips to my mother's house to help her pack and move. So I didn't get a chance to visit with many people and I'm feeling out of touch. There's some new babies to meet and snuggle and lots of friends for the kids to play with to pass the time. I don't think I have any visits planned where there isn't at least one child in the house.

What has caught me today as I've confirmed playdates and organized our schedule is this low murmur of trepidation in seeing some of my friends. We've lived away from the city for 3 years now and it's enough time to feel pretty disconnected from most of them. There's a few friends that I still talk to on a regular basis but most of them are connected through random e-mails or the Facebook phenomenon. Many of us are running in different life stages. Although our kids are similar ages, none of us are in the same boat any more, whether it's working v. not working, married vs divorced, new baby vs all finished. Part of me fears the disconnect. Most of these people are my good friends, friends from university, ones who know my past. Those friends are special in that there's so much you don't have to explain. Yet at the same time, I'm suddenly aware of feeling like I've changed and worry that there will be moments of awkward silence and lack of connection.

As always I guess it goes back to expectations. I need to focus on the reason for going back - to catch up and show off my kids, enjoy some big city treats and then scurry back to the coziness of small town living - and not get upset about the lack of deep conversations and sincerity that I miss from relationships that have evolved.

Thursday Thirteen: 13 not so great things about winter

OK, the title is deceiving. I couldn't actually think of 13 things about winter I don't like....so the last four are things I DO like about winter. But with daylight savings time started and the dark taking over at 4pm, I'm already feeling the winter blues descending from the low lying cloud cover.

Here's 9 things I don't like about winter, and 4 things I do like. Let me know if I missed any of yours (favorite or not).

1. Dark nights - it's 4pm and already getting dark, how depressing. If only my kids would go to bed at 4pm some days.

2. Grey skies and rainy days - the month of November can be miserable here in small town Canada. No more blue skies of the prairies.

3. Cold house. I think I've mentioned the heat war in our house. I'm always cold and my husband is always warm, so the house usually feels cold to me.

4 . Cold feet. It's nearly impossible to feel warm when your feet are cold - and hard to warm up when your husband won't let you warm your feet up against him.

5. Head colds - early November and I'm already hit. I really suffered last year with a stuffed head and am hoping this year won't be a repeat performance. Runny noses on your kids goes along with this one.

6. Bundling your kids - snowsuits, mittens, jackets, layers - going out takes forever just to get out the door.

7. Lack of fruit - back to apples, bananas and oranges unless you're prepared to pay a small fortune.

8. Less things to keep kids busy. The park just isn't any fun when it's raining and the winds are blowing off the lake. Plus with the early nights, I can't send them running out into the backyard after supper.

9. Hibernating friends. You see people less because they're bundled up in their houses and not out and about.

OK, here's the good things.

1. Tons of snow - I grew up in a skiing family, so at the beginning of winter, it's always a pleasure to see the flakes fall. Especially where I live, where the snow isn't accompanied with bitter cold temperatures.

2. Skiing - hasn't happened much in the last few years, but when it has it sure has felt great when I have made it out to the hill and since it's only 1/2 hour away, I have no more excuses this year with the kids both in daycare on Fridays.

3. Sweaters...if I had lots of money, I'd buy new ones every year. I always enjoy digging through my sweaters and finding ones I forgot I had.

4. Movies. The race for Oscar brings out the good movies and the summer blockbusters come out on DVD, so coupled with the fall season of TV, the evenings had some entertainment.

A gem from the mouth of Baby Boy

When I picked up Baby Boy from the gym's daycare this morning, his caregiver relayed this story.

Apparently she and Baby Boy were reading a stroy about a bunny that's having a bad day and decides to go to Bunnyland so things will go better. The caregiver asked Baby Boy,

"Baby Boy, do you have bad days sometimes?".

To which Fraser replied

"No, but Baby Girl does."

Considering the hysteria that started our day this morning, courtesy of Baby Girl, I wasn't surprised at this comment, but wow, did the story make me laugh!

Navigating marital balance

A strange thing happened last night. My husband and I had an argument. His tone changed, my tears flowed. I went to bed tired and emotional. For some I'm sure this occurs often, but for us it doesn't. We get along pretty well and have a good give and take relationship when it comes to managing life and our outdoor pursuits. But last night, we just couldn't seem to find the same page. He has a full slate of things that he could and would like to do this weekend....watching hockey games with friends, going fishing, playing soccer. As a stay at home parent, I wait eagerly for the weekend to arrive to have some daytime backup in how we spend our day. Weekends where I have to manage the kids all day are not a weekend for me. I want us to do family things, even if it's just a trip to the park or a visit with friends. I know it comes back to expectations and maybe mine are just too high. I know the weekends are a down time for my husband too. He works hard all week and needs some space of his own.

And so here lies the conundrum. How to manage balance in our marriage? Keeping my head down and taking the weekends as they come seem wrong. But how to best argue my case? I don't want to be the nagging wife that says no to my husband's requests for extra-curricular activities, but at the same time I'm looking for balance and maybe just some renewed attention to us as a couple. Having little kids sure is hard for so many different reasons.

Super Saturday

Sometimes a day comes and goes with positivity written all over it. Yesterday was such a day. It was a busy day, but also included some rare gems of peace. We started the day by helping out at Baby Girl's preschool. It was a work party day so we arrived to help paint the shed, rake the leaves and lay the sod for the new playground. They had a babysitter there so both my husband and I were able to help. Nothing like starting the day with some good karma.

Baby Girl had indoor soccer at noon and we all went along to watch. My husband coached and cheered from the sidelines while Baby Boy and I sat in the viewing area and ate lunch. We returned home and one by one found our way into a wonderful afternoon slumber. First Baby Boy, down for his regular nap. Then my husband curled up on the couch. After an hour of entertaining Baby Girl, I told her I too was going for a sleep and crawled into bed. She rummaged around for another 45 minutes but eventually came and crawled into bed with me. What a treat!

At 5pm we all arose, full of energy and so after some supper (which my husband made) for the kids, I got Baby Boy bathed and set up on the couch with a Thomas video while Baby Girl and I drove into town to go and see "Bee Movie". What a fun girls night out. We came home, I read her a story and she promptly went to bed. No fuss, no fight. My husband and I enjoyed a lovely late dinner together and then curled up on the couch to watch a movie together.

What a blissful day....the joy of it all makes me oblivious to any bickering or tantruming that took place in between the ups of the day.

Oh - and I'll try not to think about the night that followed with my dog waking me up at 1am and then Baby Boy waking me up at 3am, only to arise at 6:30am.

Thursday Thirteen: 13 things in a perfect day

So last Friday I had pretty much a perfect day. It's been a long time since I've had a whole day to myself. My husband headed out of town for work for a few days so I was totally on my own, but with the kids in daycare all day, I had 8 hours of time to do just what I wanted.


There are many things that would make up a perfect day, but here's 13 things I did on my perfect day last Friday.

1. Changed the biggest poo EVER. I know a strange way to start a perfect day, but it had to be done.

2. Got to snuggle in Baby Girl's bed with her as she was waking up. Kids are so much cuddlier as they're waking up than when they're already awake.

3. Helped a friend by taking her kids to daycare.

4. Hiked up the local lookout in the glorious fall sunshine and ran back down.

5. Felt good about spending 90 minutes in a meeting. My brain got a workout today too!

6. Saw a friend at the store and could spend a few minutes chatting about non-stressful things, for once.

7. Spent an hour in the library, just browsing!

8 & 9. Ate in a cafe by myself, reading my new book from the library and staring out the window watching the world go by.

10. Meandered the main street in our little town, shopping for new baby gifts.

11. Talked to my friend on the phone for the full "new baby" update. Her third child was born two days earlier.

12. Spent the evening painting note cards on the couch while watching videos.

13. Snuggled into my flannel sheets with Baby Girl who was keeping my husband's side of the bed warm.