Monday status check

OK - I'm not getting any better at writing. Here's where things are at on this bright sunny Monday.

1. My mom arrived with minimal issues. OK, she missed her first flight out of Mexico, but managed to check another flight in time for her connection out of Phoenix. You can only imagine how happy I would have been if she had NOT walked off the plane at 11.08pm last Monday night after I had driven 3 treacherous hours through rain and sleet to pick her up. She talked all 4 hours back to our house....again driving through rain and fog, almost hitting one deer...arriving at 3:30am.

2. So far we've only had one or two major meltdowns. Thursday's was the worst, which involved me breaking down in front of pretty much my entire mother's group and needing a 45 minute power walk to clear my head. Too many hot buttons in one moment of time.

3. My sister is still pregnant. Today is her due date so now we all start to get antsy about when the baby will come. My mom has been at my house for a week, so it's probably time for her to switch houses so she can help babysit my sister's toddler.

4. Weight loss is on track. I lost another 1.5 pounds this week, despite my trip to Wendy's when picking my mom up, pizza the next night and then a dinner out with friends that included baked brie and garlic in a filo pastry. Thank goodness for step class.

So the week ahead is full....kids' activities, one kids Christmas party, the CPR train comes through town one night and a big party on Saturday night. Oh, and I hope I'll get to become an aunt this week. Writing more often is definitely on my New Year's Resolution list.

Time away

Today is packing day. Tomorrow I pack up the kids and head west to the Big City for a few days of materialistic pleasures and some visiting with friends. Living in a small town has curbed a lot of my material appetite. Our shopping is limited to Wal-Mart and some high priced shops along the main street. I'm not lured by IKEA, Old Navy, or Children's World for regular trips to the mall. I'm also not lured by the extra fast food options of the big city - Cinnabon, Jugo Juice, Wendy's, just to name a few. A&W and KFC get old and undesirable pretty fast. A trip to the big city allows for a short burst of indulgence. I try to go prepared with a list of things I "need" so that I don't get distracted by the bright lights and variety of options that lie before me when I get to a real mall.

The shopping on this trip will likely be minimal. With both kids in tow and no husband for back-up, there won't be any solo shopping trips. My hopes of doing some Christmas shopping will be limited as a trip to Toys R Us to buy things from Santa just won't happen with a four and two year old along for the ride. I'll have to get back online and shop locally for Christmas, which isn't such a bad thing. By the time we get back on Sunday I'll be all fast-fooded out and ready to get back into the swing of home cooked meals again.

The main drive of our trip is to visit friends. I was back through the city in the spring time but was mostly passing through as I made trips to my mother's house to help her pack and move. So I didn't get a chance to visit with many people and I'm feeling out of touch. There's some new babies to meet and snuggle and lots of friends for the kids to play with to pass the time. I don't think I have any visits planned where there isn't at least one child in the house.

What has caught me today as I've confirmed playdates and organized our schedule is this low murmur of trepidation in seeing some of my friends. We've lived away from the city for 3 years now and it's enough time to feel pretty disconnected from most of them. There's a few friends that I still talk to on a regular basis but most of them are connected through random e-mails or the Facebook phenomenon. Many of us are running in different life stages. Although our kids are similar ages, none of us are in the same boat any more, whether it's working v. not working, married vs divorced, new baby vs all finished. Part of me fears the disconnect. Most of these people are my good friends, friends from university, ones who know my past. Those friends are special in that there's so much you don't have to explain. Yet at the same time, I'm suddenly aware of feeling like I've changed and worry that there will be moments of awkward silence and lack of connection.

As always I guess it goes back to expectations. I need to focus on the reason for going back - to catch up and show off my kids, enjoy some big city treats and then scurry back to the coziness of small town living - and not get upset about the lack of deep conversations and sincerity that I miss from relationships that have evolved.

Navigating marital balance

A strange thing happened last night. My husband and I had an argument. His tone changed, my tears flowed. I went to bed tired and emotional. For some I'm sure this occurs often, but for us it doesn't. We get along pretty well and have a good give and take relationship when it comes to managing life and our outdoor pursuits. But last night, we just couldn't seem to find the same page. He has a full slate of things that he could and would like to do this weekend....watching hockey games with friends, going fishing, playing soccer. As a stay at home parent, I wait eagerly for the weekend to arrive to have some daytime backup in how we spend our day. Weekends where I have to manage the kids all day are not a weekend for me. I want us to do family things, even if it's just a trip to the park or a visit with friends. I know it comes back to expectations and maybe mine are just too high. I know the weekends are a down time for my husband too. He works hard all week and needs some space of his own.

And so here lies the conundrum. How to manage balance in our marriage? Keeping my head down and taking the weekends as they come seem wrong. But how to best argue my case? I don't want to be the nagging wife that says no to my husband's requests for extra-curricular activities, but at the same time I'm looking for balance and maybe just some renewed attention to us as a couple. Having little kids sure is hard for so many different reasons.

Super Saturday

Sometimes a day comes and goes with positivity written all over it. Yesterday was such a day. It was a busy day, but also included some rare gems of peace. We started the day by helping out at Baby Girl's preschool. It was a work party day so we arrived to help paint the shed, rake the leaves and lay the sod for the new playground. They had a babysitter there so both my husband and I were able to help. Nothing like starting the day with some good karma.

Baby Girl had indoor soccer at noon and we all went along to watch. My husband coached and cheered from the sidelines while Baby Boy and I sat in the viewing area and ate lunch. We returned home and one by one found our way into a wonderful afternoon slumber. First Baby Boy, down for his regular nap. Then my husband curled up on the couch. After an hour of entertaining Baby Girl, I told her I too was going for a sleep and crawled into bed. She rummaged around for another 45 minutes but eventually came and crawled into bed with me. What a treat!

At 5pm we all arose, full of energy and so after some supper (which my husband made) for the kids, I got Baby Boy bathed and set up on the couch with a Thomas video while Baby Girl and I drove into town to go and see "Bee Movie". What a fun girls night out. We came home, I read her a story and she promptly went to bed. No fuss, no fight. My husband and I enjoyed a lovely late dinner together and then curled up on the couch to watch a movie together.

What a blissful day....the joy of it all makes me oblivious to any bickering or tantruming that took place in between the ups of the day.

Oh - and I'll try not to think about the night that followed with my dog waking me up at 1am and then Baby Boy waking me up at 3am, only to arise at 6:30am.

Thursday Thirteen: 13 things in a perfect day

So last Friday I had pretty much a perfect day. It's been a long time since I've had a whole day to myself. My husband headed out of town for work for a few days so I was totally on my own, but with the kids in daycare all day, I had 8 hours of time to do just what I wanted.


There are many things that would make up a perfect day, but here's 13 things I did on my perfect day last Friday.

1. Changed the biggest poo EVER. I know a strange way to start a perfect day, but it had to be done.

2. Got to snuggle in Baby Girl's bed with her as she was waking up. Kids are so much cuddlier as they're waking up than when they're already awake.

3. Helped a friend by taking her kids to daycare.

4. Hiked up the local lookout in the glorious fall sunshine and ran back down.

5. Felt good about spending 90 minutes in a meeting. My brain got a workout today too!

6. Saw a friend at the store and could spend a few minutes chatting about non-stressful things, for once.

7. Spent an hour in the library, just browsing!

8 & 9. Ate in a cafe by myself, reading my new book from the library and staring out the window watching the world go by.

10. Meandered the main street in our little town, shopping for new baby gifts.

11. Talked to my friend on the phone for the full "new baby" update. Her third child was born two days earlier.

12. Spent the evening painting note cards on the couch while watching videos.

13. Snuggled into my flannel sheets with Baby Girl who was keeping my husband's side of the bed warm.

Thursday Thirteen - 13 random questions lingering in my brain

It's been a painful week. Our dog was attacked by another dog while I had her out for a walk. I've experienced many public displays of hysteria with my children. And our little family enjoyed the craziness of a live Max and Ruby stage show in a nearby town.

In my travels this week, here's 13 random questions I've had floating through my brain.

1. Why is it that no matter how many kids you already have, people always ask whether you're going to have more?

2. Why do grandparents always take their grand kids out for fast food lunches? One of my clearest memories of my grandparents is our outings to McDonalds....back when the now medium drink was a large and a whole family could eat for under $10.

3. Why, when on uphill hikes, the mother will always carry the baby in the backpack instead of the father?

4. Why do kids hate having their hair washed?

5. How can kids (and dogs for that matter) run around all day and not seem tired, especially when by 3pm I'm usually ready for a nap? I'm always amazed that my kids are still running around screaming at 5pm when I pick them up from daycare on Fridays.

6. At what age to women suddenly decide they have to have short haircuts? You know the haircut I mean...short, grey, permed.

7. Why do children seem to find the most unreasonable thing to meltdown over...like how many french fries you're taking from them to share, or not letting them put ice in their own cup.

8. Why does dog hair only gather in certain parts of the house - like behind couches or under dinner tables? And why is it always in places where the afternoon sun likes to shine, just drawing attention to it?

9. Why are kids always raring to go at 6am whereas parents would love to sleep in until 10am? OK, maybe it's just me.

10. Why, if your dog bit another dog, would you give a false name? I'm bitter and hostile.

11. Why can I always fall asleep in the afternoon for a nap (even with the loudest outside noise), but at night the slightest sound drives me batty?

12. Why is it so difficult to stop eating chocolate and drinking caffeinated beverages? Ok - I know these items contained addictive qualities....it's more rhetorical.

13. What would my life be like if I hadn't gotten on a bus to Noosa Australia, 11 years ago? This is a "Sliding Doors" question....you know, how one instant in time could change your entire life. I'm sure glad I got on that bus.

Any crazy questions floating around in your brain?

Expectations

It's a funny thing about expectations - you can never really get them quite right. They're either too high or too low. For example....

Too high
Getting down on the floor to play with my daughter and spend one on one time together. I've been trying to make more individual time for my kids, hoping to reconnect with them after being so busy all summer. Well, today after 5 minutes she has a fit about who is winning the game and doesn't want to play anymore. So I tell her I don't want to play with someone who is being unfriendly and she throws an even bigger fit because she wants me to play with her. Why bother, I ask myself, why bother?

So often my expectations are too high. I try to check them at the door and take things as they come, but often find myself disappointed. I have had endless conversations with my friends about how surprised we are when we're let down AGAIN by someone's actions.

Which makes the times when your expectations are set low and you're overwhelmed by a good experience so great. Again, an example....

Too Low
Last night I went to a spontaneous birthday party of a new friend. She is about 12 years older than me and I didn't know anyone else going to the party so I went with the intention of stopping in to say happy birthday and then going back home to my husband sleeping on the couch watching hockey (another expectation). I ended up having a great time. My face ached from laughing so much as I sat around the kitchen with my friend and her group of girlfriends talking about anything and everything - sex, high school, marriage. I crept back in after midnight, refueled after a new and different girls night out.