Time away

Today is packing day. Tomorrow I pack up the kids and head west to the Big City for a few days of materialistic pleasures and some visiting with friends. Living in a small town has curbed a lot of my material appetite. Our shopping is limited to Wal-Mart and some high priced shops along the main street. I'm not lured by IKEA, Old Navy, or Children's World for regular trips to the mall. I'm also not lured by the extra fast food options of the big city - Cinnabon, Jugo Juice, Wendy's, just to name a few. A&W and KFC get old and undesirable pretty fast. A trip to the big city allows for a short burst of indulgence. I try to go prepared with a list of things I "need" so that I don't get distracted by the bright lights and variety of options that lie before me when I get to a real mall.

The shopping on this trip will likely be minimal. With both kids in tow and no husband for back-up, there won't be any solo shopping trips. My hopes of doing some Christmas shopping will be limited as a trip to Toys R Us to buy things from Santa just won't happen with a four and two year old along for the ride. I'll have to get back online and shop locally for Christmas, which isn't such a bad thing. By the time we get back on Sunday I'll be all fast-fooded out and ready to get back into the swing of home cooked meals again.

The main drive of our trip is to visit friends. I was back through the city in the spring time but was mostly passing through as I made trips to my mother's house to help her pack and move. So I didn't get a chance to visit with many people and I'm feeling out of touch. There's some new babies to meet and snuggle and lots of friends for the kids to play with to pass the time. I don't think I have any visits planned where there isn't at least one child in the house.

What has caught me today as I've confirmed playdates and organized our schedule is this low murmur of trepidation in seeing some of my friends. We've lived away from the city for 3 years now and it's enough time to feel pretty disconnected from most of them. There's a few friends that I still talk to on a regular basis but most of them are connected through random e-mails or the Facebook phenomenon. Many of us are running in different life stages. Although our kids are similar ages, none of us are in the same boat any more, whether it's working v. not working, married vs divorced, new baby vs all finished. Part of me fears the disconnect. Most of these people are my good friends, friends from university, ones who know my past. Those friends are special in that there's so much you don't have to explain. Yet at the same time, I'm suddenly aware of feeling like I've changed and worry that there will be moments of awkward silence and lack of connection.

As always I guess it goes back to expectations. I need to focus on the reason for going back - to catch up and show off my kids, enjoy some big city treats and then scurry back to the coziness of small town living - and not get upset about the lack of deep conversations and sincerity that I miss from relationships that have evolved.

Holiday weekend highs...and a low

You've got to love Canada for all our summer long weekends. It has been a true holiday weekend here - visitors, a party, time at the beach, even some afternoon siesta time. Here's a recap of the highs and one very unfortunate low.

High #1 My best friend from the Big City made the trip out with her 5 year old son (my godson) for the weekend. My kids LOVE this kid and he's the best 5 year old boy ever. It was so great to see them, catch up and take some pics of the kids hanging out together.

High #2
Birthday party bash at my sister's place for my brother-in-law. There were lots of adults and lots of kids. There were enough older kids that they all entertained each other with a game of hide and seek. How great is it that Baby Girl is getting old enough to allow her to just run around and play without 24/7 supervision at these thing? Baby Boy even joined in the fun while his Papa watched over him.

High #3
I wish I had a camera for this one. We were all in the kitchen waiting for my sister to get the banana cream pies ready to sing Happy Birthday. The kids had gathered around the kitchen, but Baby Boy had climbed up on the bench at the kitchen table to watch the preparations. No one was paying him any attention. Then my sister's brother-in-law told me to look over at Baby Boy. There he was crouched right down with his nose at the edge of the pie plate and then casually he just leaned over and took a great big LICK of the whip cream on the top of the pie. Priceless!

High #4
Sunday morning, after a pancake breakfast and my friend had taken off for the day to visit her relatives, my husband corners me in the kitchen and says "why don't I take the kids down to the park for a couple of hours so you can have a nap?" I almost fainted on the spot. Can you say "best husband EVER award"?!!!!

And the low..........

On Saturday night we got home late from the birthday party where we had taken our two German shepherds to play with my sister's two German shepherds (they're all related, crazy - I know). My husband let them in the backyard to go for a pee and we heard lots of barking. I went out in the backyard and saw them cowering in the middle of the yard. I called them up on the deck and surprise, surprise, our dog was wet and STANK LIKE SKUNK. So at midnight, I was driving to 7-11 to buy hydrogen peroxide to make up the miracle mix to de-skunk both dogs. They have spent the rest of the weekend on the deck and have had 2 hose downs so far.

Operation "Social Life" - Back on Track

I've realized a very important thing about myself over the last few years - friends are important to me. Although I come from a close family of three children, my friends are very much my family. So when my husband and I decided to pack up and leave the Big City so we could downsize and allow me to stay home with Baby Girl, I had to say good-bye to a very important part of my life - my friends.

Back in the Big City we had a great group of friends. We all seemed to be moving through the same stages of life together - first we bought houses, then we got dogs, next we got married and finally we were starting to have kids. We saw each other all the time, had dinner parties, looked out for eachother. It was everything I had always wished for in an adult social life.

So moving was hard. Ultimately I knew that we would make new friends (or should I say, I would make new friends....my husband is a bit of an introvert), but it's hard to start from scratch. New friends don't hold the same comfort as old friends. Old friends KNOW you. There are things you don't have to explain. When there's a lull in the conversation, you can always revert back to "do you remember when...." conversations. You can jump immediately into a deep meaningful conversation, when you really need to talk something out.

The last three years have been slow and somewhat painful. We went through a time when I could have really used that support circle of friends - we had our second child, who was born with a disability we weren't expecting. I've been lonely. But slowly I've started to make some friends. With time and perseverance (I'm one of those extroverted friends that Bub and Pie talked about here), I've found some wonderful friends. This summer I feel like I have friends that I could call anytime to get together, not feel like I have to make plans weeks in advance to fit into each other's schedules. I like the feeling that we can go to the playground and know that we'll probably run into someone we know. We're doing things in the community that shows we are here to stay.

Tonight we hosted our first summer BBQ at our new house with some new friends and it felt so good to sit and talk while our kids ran around in the yard playing together. Tonight I felt like my hopes for our adult social life are back on track.